Chasing a ghost.

Have you ever felt like every time you try something new, something goes wrong? Maybe not right away, maybe it seems good for a little while, but eventually you feel out of place, like it doesn’t “fit” you. Maybe you have the thought ” uhh, this ain’t for me!”

Yeah. ME TOO!

I have ventured out on two new “ideas” within the last six months. Trying to find my “it” factor. Both have which sent me to feeling the – this ain’t for me- vibe. Both are great ideas, but I’m just not the one! —- ((It’s not you, its me!)) i am. My fingers on a keyboard, just sharing my crazy life and brain waves with who ever will listen read. 

I wanted so bad to chase a dream. Chase something, become something so great and so strong, everyone admired the outcome.  I wanted it so bad, I couldn’t see what I was chasing anymore. It vanished like a ghost. Like I was Houdini back in the 20s. I was feeling blah and mehh as I came to the realization that neither were what I had been looking for.

Then my husband comes in, like superman, and SAVES THE DAY! (emotionally)

He said, “Babe, you are right where you need to be, doing what you need to be doing.” The light bulb came on, and so did the smile. He was right. I am right here…being a mom, a wife, a friend, an employee, a daughter….on the very rare easy days. But most days I’m all those things PLUS –> a chef, a chauffeur, a referee (an unpaid, overworked referee), a nurse whose kiss cures most anything, a bank (a very very broke bank), a book keeper, a dish washer, a keeper of the dirty clothes that I wash at least 3 times BEFORE they make it to the dryer…to be dried another 3 times… and a professional hugger.

All us moms are so much more than “just a mom”. And we never give credit where is credit is most definitely due.

Being a mom is the most difficult, exhausting, emotionally draining, expensive job I have and ever will have. Through all the midnight sheet changes from a potty training toddler, through all the thrown together meals, through all the every two hour newborn feedings, through all the dry shampoo and layers of deodorant paired with spit up clothes that don’t match. All the tears (happy and sad), through all the times we doubt ourselves, we think we are failing as moms….our kids just want us. All of our unfiltered, flawed, failing at being perfect, selves.

There is nothing we can give our kids that will ever amount to our time, and love. Nothing.

I’m done searching for something to fill a irrelevant void, because I have just what I need, in these 4 walls.

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